the ache

One thing I have conveniently forgotten in all my fanciful imaginings below. The decision is not mine. I am powerless. I am available and ready and waiting, but she is not. All I could do is try to influence that. But there’s also a question of how fair that would be. She’s young and confused and perhaps lost enough in her life without needing the pressure to take yet another direction from me. And whatever I do have to offer her is so fraught with difficulty. Her finishing her studies in Paris for a year and me living in Vietnam. What kind of future is that? It doesn’t seem fair to pressure someone into that, no matter how right it might feel. But doesn’t it just make you mother fucking ache?!

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2 thoughts on “the ache

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